bursting at the seams, and crying …

There are so many exciting opportunities on the horizon and recent accomplishments to celebrate… and  yet my soul is ripped to shreds right now…

I wear a smile most days as I’m excited about personal opportunities (a new ghost writing gig, craftiness abundant, playing with paper more than usual, one of my hand-craftet treasures being featured on a way cool blog and a Utah tv station!!!)…   don’t get me wrong, these opportunities make me happy to have, at one point in my life, decided to seize the “carpe diem” attitude about life.  i learn of an opportunity, i shrug my shoulders and i say “WHAT THE HECK?!  WHY NOT?!”   (my husband warns that i sometimes don’t think through all of the aspects of something before i jump in with both feet.  he’s right.  i fall in love with an idea and i seize it, for every exciting moment it is worth.  the good or the bad… it’s all a part of life and learning and loving and growing.)

but don’t let this bubbly excitement fool you…

At one point this week I got in my car to go somewhere… and instead of buckling up, starting the engine, slipping the sunglasses on and ripping out of the parking lot (as is usual), I just sat there.  I broke down in tears and sat there.  my heart hurts to see so many lives are hurting … because of this economy, because of societal pressures, because of undue expectations…   The stock market goes wildly up and down everyday.  At this momenti n time that volatility is unfortunately affecting peoples’ jobs, their livelihood / dreams / plans, their future, the future of their children… but we call it a great day in the market … when just for the short term it goes up.

::: enter sarcastic tone here :::

our country’s leaders (whether it be presidents, monetary czars, CEOs, managing partners, etc) are scrambling to find the right pressure to apply so that the bleeding stops.  and the morning news headlines could be promising today and devastating tomorrow… but at least for today the market rebounded a bit…

and i cry for hurting souls…

correction.  i weap.  for people who have dedicated their lives to a certain profession, rather passion.  all sorts of people have given their all to this ideal, sometimes working 60-70 hours a week… potentially sacrificing time to celebrate precious family milestones, family vacations, etc.  Sacrificing themselves in the meantime.

my soul weaps for those whose lives are being over-turned … jobs lost.  livelihoods shattered.  unanswered questions.  “why me?”  “why did this have to happen to our family?”  “what could i have done to prevent this?”  “was it worth it?”

once the grief is passed they might move on to find or create the next chapter in life.  will they comletely heal?  will they be bitter?  will they find another passion?

and we arrive at the essence of life… back to what matters most.  back to the reality of why we get out of bed in the morning.

why do we do what we do?  are we doing what we love?  do i love doing something more than this?  what IS my passion?  is this my passion?

what is the meaning of all of this?  this hurt?  this lesson in life?  the bigger picture is that a great number of our friends join us in being 1-income households.  and there will be more in the future.

as friends what can we do to help others who are hurting… i vow to start with prayer.

and then see if i can help out, even in small ways.  being a friend is key.  putting pride aside and reaching out a hand.  being humbled as i type…


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